I'll preface this by saying I'm a 42 year old bipolar and this subject has weighed greatly on my mind for decades. When I was diagnosed bipolar, knowing that it's a genetic illness and that genetic illnesses are passed down from generation to generation, I was horrified as to my future prospects. I've always had a strong, sometimes insane, sense of moral responsibility. "What SHOULD I be doing?" has been one of the questions of conscience I ask myself in many situations, some frivolous, some very important. "Don't sweat the small stuff" is an mantra that I have a lot of trouble incorporating into my lifestyle. Small stuff could mean getting cottage cheese with fruit at the grocery instead of pizza. Eating pizza would make me fat. Is fat an immoral thing in the context of being out of shape because out of shape means poorer functioning and poorer functioning means more of being a societal burden? This is how I often think so you can imagine how the issue of whether I should have children or not weighs on my mind. I have a few other genetic quirks that I won't mention here that would also (in all likelihood) be passed down. To me, the moral point lies in two directions.
MY NEEDS: Do I want to have children? I would have to regress in my thinking to when I was around age 18 before my bipolar diagnosis threw the proverbial monkey wrench into the situation to analyze it properly. As a 20 year old, At 18, I had not been diagnosed with anything nor felt the major effects of illness yet. At that point, I lived in the moment and didn't think of the future, which is probably normal for most people that age. My attitude was more "If it comes, it comes. If it doesn't, it doesn't." That was my mantra BUT I had no doubts deep down that it would come. I hadn't done anything to hurt my chances and I had no reason to think that any kind of illness would get in the way. My parents and aunts and uncles had married, right? One of my aunts was the "crazy" aunt and was pretty well ostracized from the family. I didn't think on her situation or consider it important. I knew nothing about psychology at that time but, I think like most people, I knew certain traits were hereditary. We talked about that in science class with Mendel and the peas (I think it was peas.) It came as a shock when I started exhibiting signs of extreme anxiety at age 17. I had always been an excellent baseball player but, at this time, I started losing control of my throwing. I had a very difficult time throwing straight, a skill that had been an unconscious breeze for year. I would overthrow it or throw it in the dirt. As I was on my baseball team, this caused CONSIDERABLE anxiety for me. Looking back, I feel that was the onset of bipolar disorder. Up and down, can't be straight. Still, I succeeded on the baseball field in spite of my problem. Once my baseball career was over, I felt very relieved. I had lost it and I was done with it. So I blazed forward confidently into college. After half a year, I was showing symptoms of overwhelming anxiety and depression. Being diagnosed depressive was a major blow. Depression is hereditary. Would I pass that on? My mental philosophy was "It was a chemical imbalance, I'm not crazy." That was the angle my therapists preached. I became in denial about genetics. It was full steam ahead again. Then, after very out of character behavioral problems plagued me, I was diagnosed bipolar in 1995. This was a very devastating blow. Bipolar was one of the "bad" illnesses, like schizophrenia. It was a stigma illness. A lot of people had depression. Not many had bipolar disorder. I felt branded. "Full speed ahead" could never happen again. Now, I was a thinker and a brooder, even more than I had been naturally. What the heck does a person with bipolar disorder do? I had never been around a bipolar person. I didn't know what "they" were. In fact, growing up a conservative due to my father, I made fun of "crazy people" as genetic inferiors. Now, the tables were turned. I was the "inferior." Then came a staggering period of traumatizing and attacking myself. The jerk who say others as genetic inferiors was still there and that side of my hated the newly diagnosed bipolar side. I was two people now, opposites. Though certain realities were sinking in slowly, I was still in denial. Frankly, I couldn't cope. I had no real support and no education and adjustment as to what I was. I was alone in the dark. As my life prospects narrowed, my outlook narrowed as well. I was minoring in political science and wasn't averse to running for office one day. Can't do that when you're bipolar. I wanted to be as functional as possible and I wanted to take on the world. A bipolar can't do that. The stress would break me down. Around the time I was diagnosed, I dating stopped. Why will always been an mystery to me. I believe that part of it was due to my struggles. I was fading from "full speed ahead." I was losing, falling behind the Joneses. From there, my life has been an exercise in coping with illness on a daily basis, like an HIV or cancer sufferer. I have given up on having children in a moral sense. That I'm 42 is making it look like that is a certainty. I have wanted to date for some time and I want to get marries. I'm doing the starving artist thing right now, writing a book, and I don't have an official job. That's another reason why having children isn't a good idea for me. A father needs to have money. I have none of it. I feel the need to have children. I visualize it and it makes me happy. However, I do not consider it realistic and that leads me into the second direction.
THE CHILD's NEEDS: I can't give a child much at this point in my life and I might not be able to give them anything at any point in my life. A normal life for the child is impossible. They would have at least a portion of the genetic quirks I have. That means the child will be attacked and persecuted at school for being different. Can I subject a child to that? Can I subject them to that knowing ahead of time that it will happen? In my eyes, it would happen. Schools are schools and bullying and hate exists in both public and private schools because I've been in both. I would have to be sadistic to put a child into that environment. I have though about home schooling and that would be an excellent option. That's an option that gives me some hope that I could have a child one day. The hardest part would be seeing the child struggling internally. It also seems sadistic to birth a child that would struggle on a daily basis just to get up in the morning. That also seems a sadistic thing to inflict upon a young, innocent person. Love and care only go so far. I could never take my child asking me why I had he/she if I knew they would have to struggle every day in life because they would be right. I could love them every day but I his or her life would be painful and difficult. To me, it's too much to ask of young person to be birthed by me. It's also too much to ask a normal, healthy woman to lay with me. She would be idiotic to subject her child to the likelihood of genetic illness if she doesn't have to and I can't expect that. I feel I have to take the higher road. It may kill me down deep but I have to do what I feel is best for all involved. That includes a greater societal responsibility to not produce someone that would be a drain on the system's resources. As I have grown into a blatant non-materialist, this seems the least important factor but, as someone with a conscience that is concerned with the greater good, it is a factor nonetheless.
CONCLUSION: This is a deeply personal issue to the potential parent with a mental illness. My conclusion is that it's a subjective perception. There is no absolute "yes or no" to the idea of a mentally ill person having children. The most severe illnesses, such as bipolar and schizophrenia, should garner the most thought as those problems would create the greatest potential for the most severe future issues for all involved. Financial matters are very important. A wealthy mentally ill person would be able to best treat a youth with a genetic illness thus producing the best chance for future success and happiness. Should a mentally ill person suppress or ignore the biological need to have children due to the above factors? If a mentally ill person chooses to have children, many realities much be confronted. The question must be asked of the individual sufferer: "Is this a good idea?"
