Sugar: My dynamic pleasure and my addiction

Since before I can remember, I've been addicted to sugar. I remember eating almost my entire bag of candy at Halloween (and I had a big haul.) I remember pouring sugar on my already sugared cereal, eating the cereal, drinking the milk then spooning the sugar off the bottom into my mouth (about a quarter inch of it.) There were times that I sank into depression as a child, aggravated by OCD. I would get seriously depressed at animals being put down or even sad moments in movies. I would get down and stay down and not be able to get the sadness out of my head. My parents were great to me and my sadness had nothing to do with anything in my world. It was chemical and I "treated" it with sugar. My sugar addiction continues to this day (I ate an entire key lime pie today.) No matter what I try, I can't eliminate large amounts of sugar from my life. The cravings cause me pain and I alleviate them with the sugar (mostly processed) then the pain kicks in again and I can't resist it. Not having sugar makes me depressed and I eat junk for comfort. It's a burden, often pleasurable, of course, as that is the nature of sugar. Like caffeine, it gets me out of ruts. I feel the pain. Epicurus would be concerned for me but I don't know what to do with it. I'll probably never quit large amounts of sugar. I hope I don't eventually get diabetes.

Epicurus and Bipolar Disorder

So how plausible is Epicureanism to a bipolar sufferer? IMO, to use the expression, "It's nice work if you can get it." A life of stark asceticism (discipline) is very, very difficult, especially in today's world loaded with so many dynamic pleasure temptations. I think most of us live lives of moderation but it's moderation based on balancing both dynamic and static pleasures. We're happy when we're at peace but we're also happy with the occasional indulgence. For Epicurus, the occasional indulgence was some cheese with his bread. For us today, it's often dynamic pleasure, usually drugs of one kind or another as our society is loaded with them. I'm not different. I'm a caffeine addict. As a bipolar person, I feel the need to use caffeine to both get me out of mental funks and to burn fat off my body. In that way, I love being revved up. I love my peaceful moments but I could never stay in that zone for long. Such is addiction, no matter what it is. Caffeine use, as we all know, leads to very powerful, often painful withdrawals. Epicurus wouldn't have tolerated such pains. I'm also a sugar addict and I'll talk about that in my next post. For a bipolar sufferer, drugs can exacerbate symptoms of both mania and depression. I know this yet I keep using caffeine. To me, the idea of having a dynamic mentality beats being "saner." I'm reasonable and not greatly symptomatic but I do like having my brain and body revved up and ready to go. I know what mania is and I don't consider getting revved up to be mania. In that way, I'm keeping a dynamic pleasure as static as I can. I don't let it get out of hand and I know when to stop (when something could get dangerous, which is why I stop.) That's for caffeine. For sugar, I have no limit. I'd eat all the sugar in the grocery store if I could. Long periods adhering to the ideas of Epicurus can be invaluable to a bipolar sufferer as they are moments of mental calm accompanied by peaceful stability. However, like I wrote above, it's nice work if you can get it. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 22 and couldn't accept it until years later. By that time, I had developed a litany of coping devices for my symptoms. Sugar was always the biggest one. Then in college, I binged drank once a week and used and abused benzodiazepines every minute of every day for three years. When it comes to an Epicurean lifestyle, I lost that battle before I was even aware that there was one. That said, I'm much more insightful and lucid about my illness today and I have Epicurean moments that I never used to pursue, much less achieve. That means being less materialistic and less hurried in life. It's stopping to smell the roses (literally) and feeling the happiness in the moment. It's having good friends and being good to them. With me, this has come with age and experience. Epicureanism is attainable to a certain degree, even for bipolar people. INO, it's only attainable with medication and therapy. There is no peace without the proper healthy choices. Epicurus would agree.

Epicurus

Now on to one of my favorite philosophers, Epicurus. Little is known about him and his literature, some 300 volumes, is completely lost to us (though fragments by other writers remain.) He was born around 342 BC and grew up in Samos in modern day Greece. He was the son of a poor Athenian colonist and suffered from chronic pain throughout his life. He said he began studying philosophy at age 14 and he shared his ideas with those who came to hear him speak in a garden near where he lived. The chronic pain he experience greatly shaped his philosophy. By not being distracted by money or good health, he was able to form his ideas based on what aspects of the "good life" he believed should be pursued. He was an unfortunate and pursued how he could live a better, happier life. His idea was one picked up later by the utilitarians. Life is best lived pursuing pleasure and avoiding pain. For Epicurus, it wasn't a random ideology that he found interesting. He HAD to do it or he would be in such pain that he couldn't go on. This view of human behavior harkens to both Buddhist philosophy and practical measures designed to recover from addiction. Epicurus defined two types of pleasure: Dynamic and Static. Dynamic pleasures are those born from a cycle of pain. We crave something and we satisfy that craving. Later, we feel the craving again and spend our time trying to satisfy it again. The pain then occurs again and we're caught in the pleasure/pain cycle. This is not the path to happiness in the opinion of Epicurus. he pursued static pleasures, defined as non-hedonistic things that make us happy. They're pleasures that stay in a middle ground area (and are, thus, static.) Living a life of moderation and staying in a happy zone was how Epicurus lived. Epicurus' pleasures included conversations with good friend and children, simple meals of bread and water (which he took great pleasure in) and living a life virtually free of materialism expressed by this demand for only enough money to stay alive on. Free of fear, he faced death joyfully. It is being free from what most people define as pleasure, the hedonistic pursuits such as drinking too much or having too much sex or eating to excess, that Epicurus considered anti-pleasures. In that way, his views fit the Buddhist ideas of meditation. Not letting our minds drift, staying happy in the moment and being at peace in that happy zone. It is also the only ideology for a recovering drug addict. Abstinence from the dynamic pleasures of drugs are the only way an addict can recover and find true happiness, the happiness that comes from the freedom of the pain of withdrawal.