I say non-chemical because depression is about so much more than genes and neurotransmitters. Those are the root causes of depression but I feel we're so much more than the chemical discharges in our brains. Depression is a physical brain illness. That's true to anyone that knows anything about it but it also affects us so much more intimately and pervasively as human beings.
Warning- Some of my comments are pretty intense and I don't want anyone with depression feeling triggered by them.
Depression is a place in the mind like a secret compartment. It's a real, solid, physical place in the brain that becomes a physical place in reality when we are affected by it. It becomes a place of sullenness and isolation, an alternate reality, a dystopian world of nightmares, dark streets and corners and horrible, life upsetting disruptions. It is a life, itself, and it becomes our life when we are experiencing it. We live it, not as a "brain disease," but as a living horror movie. To the brain, it's science. To us, it's abstract, palpable and often fully manifested. It's being trapped in a slasher film with the killer never truly defeated, only dormant for a time before returning to destroy our happiness and contentment with another round of murderous assaults.
Depression is the brain committing suicide. It's the brain dying. It's like a moment in Aliens when it's surrounded by evil monsters and breaks down choosing to die rather than be tormented and attacked. Such a brain in our heads makes it seems sensible, perhaps even logical, to end the suffering by ending ourselves rather than be consumed. Death isn't just seen as a release. It's seen as being smart. It can seem the "right thing" to do for ourselves and to not be a burden on those we love.
Depression is a bad time. It's not fun. It's going out with friends and being miserable, of having a crush of the opposite sex choose anyone besides you and laughing at you at the same time. It's being bullied in school while others are smiling, happy, fulfilled and contented. It's trying to be cool and falling on your face in front of everyone. It's being hurt and never seeming to get better. It's failure to the achiever, rejection for the lover, defeat for the athlete, a broken voice for the singer, cut off hands for the painter, separation for those that thrive on being involved.
Depression is winter in the summertime. It's dark clouds and freezing cold while others are wearing bathing suits basking in the hot sun. It's gray and dark clouds full of acid rain, terrifying us with their presence before scalding us with their contents. It's being snowed in while life is taking place outside. It's being buried in a blizzard while others around you move freely.
Depression is hell because it's living while dead. It's not over like death because it's still physical, still there, still real, and still suffered by us. It's a violent abuser, a brutal parent that we never completely escape. It's a cancer we never completely carve out. It's a demon we never completely exorcise. It's not freedom. It's being forced to live with a monster for the rest of our lives.
I'll end on a positive note (because I have to.) We won't always feel depressed. There is hope because there are times when we will feel hope. The rays of the sun will shine through the clouds because they will. It's poetic but it's also true. Personally, for me, seeing that a sun is still there is sometimes enough. I may not be seeing it now but I know I'll see it again.
