As a bipolar person, I'm now going to try to make you understand bipolar disorder by making you feel bipolar. I thank all who read and want to learn.
Imagine being the saddest you've EVER BEEN in your life. Maybe it's the time when a cherished loved one died. Maybe it was when your mother or father died. Maybe it was a treasured grandparent. Remember how you felt when you first heard. Remember how you felt at the funeral. Remember the sense of loss knowing that you would never see them again, would never hear them again, would never laugh with them again. You think back on the all the times they played ball with you or helped you with your makeup and were there when you suffered defeat or needed wounds treated or just to have a hug or a pat on the back that everything was okay and you'd get them next time and would you like to go see a movie or did you need help with your homework and Christmas would be really fun that year. Think on the sadness of the memories knowing there could never be anymore. Or possibly your saddest moment is when you lost a beloved pet. Your family dog or cat. Remember the times when you loved on him or her and they loved you back unconditionally. Remember the times you were feeling down and you felt the pressure on your leg and it was your friend, who knew your pain like no one else, offering their affection with uplifted eyes, tail wagging, possibly with tongue out. They're the only one that really loves you, the only one that really cares. And now your pet is gone, possibly hit by a car or killed by another animal. You'll never see them again, never pet them, never feel the happiness when you know how happy they are to see you, never feel that pressure on your leg again. Never again. Remember how sad you were when you took them to the vet for the last time, when the vet took them from your arms, the last time you'd ever hold them. Remember and FEEL that sadness.
Now, imagine the MADDEST you've ever been. When someone has insulted you for how you look or what you think or what you believe or your weight or awkwardness or physical attractiveness. When someone called you stupid when you weren't, when they bullied you in the hall, when they mocked and humiliated you in front of your classmates, when they insulted your family members. Imagine your loved one has died and someone comes up and spits in their dead face or runs your cherished pet over on purpose then picks up the corpse and throws it to the side of the road laughing. Think about the time you were fired from a job because a coworker you hated makes things up about you to your boss and you're not given a chance to defend yourself. Think of the time you failed at something and an enemy rubbed it in. Think of the worst loss at anything you've ever had. Think of that time you could have seriously picked up a baseball bat and parted someone's skull with it.
Now FEEL THE SADNESS AND ANGER AT THE SAME TIME. Not sadness transformed into anger or anger transformed into sadness. Both simultaneously. A bit lump of depressed deadness and enraged agitation like two different people in completely different moods are in your body. Your beloved pet has just died AND you're being taunted by a person you hate. Your cherished family member has died and someone tells you they deserved it. You're devastated and enraged at the same time. The worst sadness you've ever felt and the worst rage you've ever felt coexist, both in the same place. This is the brain of a bipolar person. Bipolar people feel that push/pull EVERYDAY. That is the tragedy of bipolar disorder. Would you function properly? Would you feel happy? Would you be able to live life to its fullest and progress into steady success in the world? Would you feel peace and contentment? Remember. It's EVERYDAY.
